happy birthday to you little atticus

wow! i can't believe this day is here. has it really been a year? i remember that night one year ago. i didn't know marita well, but i had heard through others that her water had broke, that she hadn't gone into labour but was doing everything to get there. marko and i were in the middle of a move from the sixth floor down to third at the time, all of our stuff was out, but the old apartment still needed cleaning, and so my mom was over late helping marko clean the apartment as i, quite pregnant myself, slept in our new apartment three floors down. it was late when marko came in and woke me up, he looked concerned and i sat up. there are ambulances here, he said. my mom was upstairs with her neck craned out the window trying to see something, anything so that we wouldn't worry. i wanted to go up and make sure, but i didn't know them well enough and even if i did now wasn't the time. my mom didn't see anything and eventually the ambulances left and they seemed to be empty, a good sign, but we still didn't know. so that night we all went to sleep filled with worry, and in the morning i woke early, much too early to be phoning laisha to see if she had news (sorry). she didn't, but she took pity on my worrisome soul and got some for me. everything went well, it was a boy and he was born here at home after all. relief and then joy settled in. it was a couple of weeks before i finally met atticus george, but soon he became a regular part of mine, and cohen's life. he was so tiny that first time, so fragile in my hands. it made me nervous to think that soon i would have a small human of my own, would i know better how to hold him when he is mine?

little did i know that time would make both of us an expert at all kinds of things, sleeping and eating and walking and laughing and of course crying. for atticus i suspect that today is just another, one of many in a line. he might wonder what all the fuss is about, although he will hopefully like the amazing cake his mom is making, but in the end i think today will mean the most to marita. it's huge, a day full of nostalgia for what has come and hope for that yet to be. i hope the reflection is peaceful and bright, although i suspect there will be some kleenex moments as well. in honour of you, my friend, i will spend my day celebrating being a mother in the way that you have done all year long, and cohen and i will raise a glass and toast both atticus and his wonderful mom who persevered through much to bring him here to be with all of us. if you are reading this then go here and wish them a happy birthday! what a glorious day indeed.