the good, the bad, the ugly

or in this case, the ugly, the bad, and the good.

the ugly (the story, not ada!)

have you ever had one of those moments where you didn't do what your instincts told you to do, even though you knew better, and then had the result come to no good? of course you have, it is a required part of being human. i have had many, too many to claim i didn't know better. it is the rule that should govern over all others, listen to your inner voice, it ain't a fool. as you have likely guessed, i had another one of these moments just the other day. i was coming home from the park with the stroller, and as i approached the front door to our building, i noticed a man i had never seen before lingering out front. he looked like trouble, but not in an obvious way. it was my instinct telling me he was trouble, my brain decided not to listen. the truth is that i didn't want a conflict. the truth is that i was being lazy and taking the easy way out. the truth is that i let him in, and rode the elevator with him (even engaging him in idle chit chat). the truth is that he kicked in a door on the fourth floor only moments later and stole two guitars from it's occupant, and it was completely my fault (i found out after the fact from the building manager and gave a statement to the police). i should have known better. i feel pretty shitty about the whole thing. i think there is a lesson in here somewhere.

the bad

well, i am not sure it is bad really, how about fortunate lined with unfortunate feelings? the last couple of days i have finally been exposed to what life is going to be like with two. picture me early in the morning with squinty eyes wearing a sour milk stained pajama top, holding ada and bouncing around the kitchen trying to sooth her cries as i attempt to slice open an english muffin, and cut up a banana for cohen's breakfast. all the while he is clinging to my leg and whining (or opening the spice cupboard and taking out all the spices and stacking the jars on the floor), desperately trying to get my attention. this scene gets played over and over throughout the day. i don't think i have enough hands for this job. what i am quickly learning is that i need to restructure my thinking, at least for now. it is impossible to think that i can do dishes/take a shower/do a load of laundry/nap, when i have two who are in almost constant need of me. i need to learn to breath and get used to living in a messy house. normally i would be better at letting it go, but with the move looming over my head and the nagging voice telling me that i need to be packing at least a few boxes a day, it is proving difficult. today marko took cohen out of the house for a few hours to allow me the space to get some things done, but ada had other plans for me and refused to be put down. i didn't get anything done (other than lots of cuddling), and felt defeated when the boys came back home, but tomorrow is a new day, and we still have two weeks before we move. perspective. i am trying.

the good

marko got the job! he starts back to work on the 12th. it would be nice if it was the 19th as we would be moved in by then and things would be settled, but the 12th is ok too. gulp, that means i only have him home with me for one more week and then i have to do it alone for real. i can do this....right?