six months

you are six months old today. i can’t believe how fast the time has gone. at this rate you will be eighteen in the blink of an eye. i have had moments in my life where I wished the time would go slower, on vacations, or summer evenings when there seems to be magic in the air, but nothing like this. every night when i go to bed i am aware that another day has passed. in the beginning when you were little and i was fraught with worry i would say “we made it through another day” and i would be relieved, and in the morning when you would wake i would feel the same. now i feel regret, regret that we didn’t do more in the day or that i didn’t remember to enjoy every minute.

it seems like only yesterday i rejoiced as you moved your hand with intention towards an object, exerting your will. today that is old news. today you are on the verge of crawling, and constantly babbling and eating, always eating. you laugh all the time and love to grab hair, especially mine and you are strong, so incredibly strong. i see more and more of your personality everyday. the way you throw a fit when the banana is all gone or the grin you give when you manage to pull off your diaper and flip onto your stomach in defiance, tells me that i may have a very strong willed boy on my hands. you have learned that whining gets you things (although we are working on that one!) and that no matter what you will always have the love of your family.

you continue to love the bath, only now it is all about splashing. thank goodness we have a slate bathroom so that when you manage to empty the entire contents of the tub onto the floor it isn’t too big of a deal. heck, it is almost like cleaning. speaking of cleaning, every time you eat now you try and trick me into letting you put your fingers in the bowl of food, especially blueberries, because they are the messiest. you will look away with intent causing me look in the same direction and lose my focus for only a moment and then your hand plunges in, laughter informing me of my defeat. i don’t mind though, eating is supposed to be messy and i want you to have fun. soon you will be able to hold a piece of banana yourself and i look forward to seeing you try and figure that out! you have no teeth yet but that doesn’t stop you from eating all kinds of things including, for the first time this week, some chicken and rice. of course your chicken and rice gets ground up to a mushy globby ball of goodness, but it is what’s in it that counts…right? it may be too early to tell but i would say you like bird, as well as pears and bananas and squash and green beans and…ok what am I saying, you like everything. just give me food please, you say, and now!

i am nervous about you moving and tell myself everyday that i am going to get on childproofing the house, bolting down furniture, covering the couch, shaving the cat, sanitizing anything that could cross your path, but i haven’t yet and this morning you back crawled into a huge dust bunny and then grabbed it tightly in your hand and swooped it towards your mouth. thankfully i made it in time to save my stomach and yours and then I started a list, the first item was to vacuum more.

i am excited and nervous and sad about seeing you grow into the person you are meant to be. i realize now as you sit and watch me with wonder that there is a whole world out there that you are anxious to uncover and that i am going to be your guide on that journey. i feel humbled by that and uncertain of my abilities to take on the task. how is it that parents are given such an enormous responsibility without any training? i promise that i will do my best to create a map worthy of your perfection cohen, if you promise to always hold my hand in the dark.