where do you go when you're in love and the world knows?

so i reached the end of grey's anatomy and in the process probably used up an entire box of kleenex. even if i wasn't post pregnancy hormonally super charged i would have been crying but given that i am there are now tear stains on the couch that may never dry. marko was worried that when i reached the end i would sink into deep withdrawal. i promised i wouldn't. between you and me though it hasn't been easy. i spent the better part of the morning reading all of the characters bios on imdb and then i went to the ABC website and listened to podcasts and read blog entries by the writers and then i took a good hard look at my patheticness and decided to cut it cold turkey (well except for the soundtrack...i mean i can still listen to that right?). so until september you are dead to me. dead to me. i mean it. seriously.

*i will warn you up front this next bit gets a little mushy near the end and if somewhat cliched baby talk makes you feel ill you may want to just look at the pictures. it was inevitable and had to happen. i apologize in advance*

we took cohen on his inaugural beach outing today. he managed to come home with sand in his ear and stuck all over his head and the faint smell of the sea wafted from his clothing so all in all it was a success. i can't wait until he is big enough to build castles with and walk with his feet in the water. well i guess i can wait because that is going to come with a whole new host of worries but that is how the expression always goes..."i can't wait". it makes no sense really cause obviously you can wait, i mean you have to don't you? i find that analysing popular expressions generally tends to lead to psychosis though so we will move on.

so i haven't talked a lot about parenting here. i guess it is because i am just getting my feet wet and there is no need to go expressing things that you know not about. i think i am getting the hang of it though. to be honest it has been so much easier than i thought. i had been forwarned with such daunting words as exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated, depressed and incapable. my reality turned out to be different, well at least so far it has. there is no question that my experience is the product of my offspring and not a result of some super powers i have as a mom. i was blessed, no i am blessed, with a great baby.

the words i would use to describe my experience so far are excited, enamoured, well-rested (for shame), relaxed, content and of course overwhelmed can stay but in the good way. he sleeps through the night, seems to smile when he is awake, loves to go for walks, he eats well and loves the bath (depsite the early pictures!). he loves dad's music and being sang to at night. he doesn't cry when he wakes up but instead nudges me to wake up with him.

i was prepared for a challenge. i was prepared to feel defeated. i was prepared to ask the inevitable question of "what have i done". and i know it is too soon to tell, that things could change quickly and next week i could be singing a different tune. but right now all i can say is "is he really mine? for real?" because most days it is still way to good to be true.

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