glad to see you again

i don't mean to stay away so long, honest. it just sort of happens sometimes, well lot's of the time really. i think that is one of the worst things about having a blog, thinking about the fact that you haven't written anything. if you have a moderate number of frequent visitors you feel as though you have let them down if you don't say something, but on the other hand you feel like a bit of a schmuck if you come here and post another boring post about nothing. so conflicted.

the big news is that i have decided that crafting blogs are my new mommy blog, and as a result have spent more time on my sewing machine then on the computer. there are so many creative people out there making such simple and yet wonderful creations that i quickly felt a need to be a part of it. i am not so great at the crafting stuff, but i sure do love to try, all the colourful fabrics and textures, the buttons and stitching. so wonderful. of course there is the continuous envy of these women who do fantastic work in a seemingly flawless and nonchalant manner, the way they make creativity look like a reflex. still, i think i would rather watch these blogs in wonder and feel the urge to "do" then read the mommy blogs and feel inadequate. it is all about where i am in the cycle i suspect.

you see, i have learned that being a mom is a very up and down job. when it is up there is no greater place to be then home with your child playing or singing, just present, but when you are down the world looks pretty bleak. my self esteem goes out the window and i convince myself that no one likes me and that everything i do is useless. i can't get motivated to clean and yet i feel ashamed that the place is so messy. i don't shower often enough or leave the house as much as i should. i mostly just wait for this thing to pass and for the good to return. lately i have been going through this, the down. it is a combination of so many things i guess, the change of season, the boredom of routine, small human mobility and an instability in my surrounding and of course hormones. so the mommy blogs have been tough to handle lately, some more than others (friend's blogs excluded, naturally).

i have to thank klay for inspiring me to find the creative outlet through links on her blog and then a multitude of links from there. i look forward to taking this energy and placing it somewhere positive while i wait this thing out, hopefully spring will be here soon.

*the photos are of nicole's quaint abode where i spent the majority of my last saturday night. the company, as always, was just as charming as the surroundings.