some days it's raining some are sunny and blue

i didn't talk about it here much, but from the day i found out i was pregnant with ada i have been filled with an enormous worry about how it would change cohen. at my first appointment i broke down in tears, overcome with the emotion of what laid ahead for me. was i going to be patient enough, was he going to be flexible enough? it was ridiculous. i know part of it stemmed from the stories my mom has told me over the years of how my oldest brother changed from a sweet boy to an angry and aggressive child after my other brother was born. i still see him carrying an anger and i can't help but wondering if it all started then. it wasn't that i didn't want two children, i just didn't want to screw it up.

it was because of all this that i found myself bracing for the worst case scenario when we brought ada home on friday, but it turns out that my worrying was all for naught.

the first day cohen was confused, he would come over and look at her and laugh nervously and then continue playing, or he would climb up on the couch beside me and snuggle in to my free side as if he was staking out his claim. the second day he started taking an interest, he would come over and touch her toes when she was in the bouncy seat or gently touch her hair. his reaction took me by complete surprise. he never once retreated or became sad or quiet. i know it helped that ada is such a quiet and relaxed baby. her disposition has allowed for us to continue to give cohen attention as he needs it, to sit on the floor and play with blocks or read books in the middle of the day, but he has also shown amazing flexibility and for that i am feeling enormously grateful and relieved.



this morning cohen woke up and came out into the living room where ada and i are sleeping, climbed into our bed and leaned in to give her a good morning kiss and then laid down beside her and stared. when i change her diaper now he comes over and pulls the wipes out of the box and hands them to me, sometimes he even starts rubbing her bum with them, and if she cries when we are changing her he sometimes starts rubbing her head to calm her.

of course there is the other, more comical, side of that coin. he has tried to feed her his raisins (don't worry i was right there to stop him!) and often goes over to see if she wants some of his juice. he has also taken to driving his cars on her legs when she is sleeping and the other day he picked up a clump of cat hair that was on the floor (yuck i know) and carried it over to her and put it on her hair, i think he thought it belonged to her!

so that is where we are right now with the transition. i know she is going to start to become more fussy as she grows, and he is going to have to handle her crying and his needs coming in second, but one bridge at a time. i will take these first 6 days as a victory!