a spoon full of sugar helps

so today was the first day of school. i mention this because as many of you know i work at a university, in fact i work in the enrollment office of a university, which means this time of the yeah is a bit chaotic. the buses are overcrowded, the line ups for lunch are long and loud, everywhere you turn there are students. it was a busy day for me on the phone, call after call, question after question, it should have been enough to keep me distracted, but it wasn't. all day my mind kept thinking about how today was immunization day for cohen. we were late with his one year shots due to some scheduling mixups and so tonight was the night he was going in for his dreaded mmr shot. i say dreaded because once, many months ago, i did an internet search about immunizations, and the stories that the mmr shot brought out in people were terrifying to say the least. i quickly turned off the computer back then and vowed to never think of it again. it was always there though, in the back of my mind. so today there was a lump in my throat, not just because he was going to have to get it, the terrifying shot, but also because i wouldn't be there with him, i would be still be at work finishing my 10.5 hour day.

i pestered marko online all day confirming that he had all the details, which shots we were getting, which we were declining (chicken pox), what to do if there was a reaction, how he could contact me. i was a paranoid mess. eventually i took some deep breaths, talked myself off the ledge, and made the end of day trek home.

when i got here i found the two of them laughing away at something on the floor without a care in the world. marko could tell i was still worried and shook his head, what was i so worried about anyway? turns out he only cried for a moment and he was completely fine the minute it was done. there was no reaction, no sense of abandonment that his mom wasn't there, no fever or fatigue. he didn't even flinch when i touched his prick point, but instead swatted my hand away and carried on his merry way as if to say, geez mom, you need to relax. i think he's right, now that it's over maybe i will.