29 months

** if sentimentally saccharine blogs make you queasy then you are going to want to sit this one out, consider yourself warned **

i meant to write this post on monday, but then like most things, i completely forgot. i had to use the fingers on both hands to add up the number of months. i get asked often for the number and every time i have to do the same. no space left in the brain for that tidbit of information i guess, or my brain is easily fooled by how it keeps changing.

as most of you know i don't do these updates on cohen anymore as the blog has become mostly anecdotal. this month seemed like a good time to shake it up though. you see, for the first time in a very long time things have been going well, better than well, i might even use the word perfect (albeit very quietly). for a few months the tv was on around here almost non-stop, i couldn't figure out sanity any other way. these days it is hardly ever on, opting for playing at home or embarking on adventures instead. often the two of them play together in the afternoons while i make dinner, a time that was previously far too difficult to manage without the tv. i didn't think they would entertain each other until she was at least one, but it just isn't the case. they have become fast friends and can't seem to get enough of each other. seeing them laughing at a game of peek a boo, or chasing each other on hands and knees around the kitchen table makes it easy to remember why i entered into this arrangement of insanity. it brings back those feelings from when cohen was brand new, the overwhelming joy that seems to fill you to the edges.

this wasn't supposed to be about me though, it was about cohen.



when i was a child i was shy, painfully so. i would well up with tears at the very suggestion of an uncomfortable situation. i lived more within myself then out wild in the world. reading was my passion. i didn't make friends easy because i didn't have the courage. i always held back. there is still some of that here with me, i'm sure, but i'm not the same anymore. life trains you to change, to adapt. still, i always envisioned my child being quiet, reserved and shy, someone who curls up in bed and reads pictures books all afternoon. it's crazy i know, but there it is. of course cohen isn't this at all. he is more like marko as a child, exuberant, full of life. he lives close to the edge and puts himself out there any chance he gets. every park visit is an opportunity to meet someone new. he sizes everyone up as we approach the playground, and decides who he will engage in a chase or a slide. if his target rebuffs his attempts he just shrugs and moves on to the next. he thrives on making friends. he is brave, perhaps too much so. he always gets back up and tries again, even when he shouldn't. he doesn't like being told what to do, or having his clothes changed. he is fiercely independent and yet he continues to want to cuddle. each morning he drowsily stumbles from his room to ours and climbs into bed next to me, puts his warm little head in my armpit and doses off to sleep for another few minutes. he is easy with his kisses, if you don't ask too much, and when he is in the mood will give a hearty pat with his hugs. he is always challenging me, but he also makes me laugh more than anyone else i know, so i forgive him his stubbornness.

since my last post he has become somewhat obsessed with the fridge, spending a good part of the day opening it and bringing me various items from within it. a plate from the cupboard and a container of yogurt delivered with a grin. when he is not opening the fridge he can be found perched on any of a number of surfaces turning on and then off the light switches in each of the rooms. "on!", "off!", stir and repeat. his other big thing is cleaning and organizing around the house. i know, you are all saying, really? i didn't see it coming from him either. he loves to line all his cars up in one long row with the fronts facing one way, "one car, two car, three car...". he won't sit in his booster chair if there is even a scrap of food from the meal before, and him and the dustpan have become close friends. at the end of the day when it is time to clean up the toys in his room all i have to say is "clean up" and he is taking apart lego and throwing books into the basket. this is such an enormous departure from where we have been that it leaves me a little dizzy. in fact, in general he is becoming so much better at listening and reacting in a timely manner. it is almost as if by learning to switch the light on and off in the house, he was able to do the same within himself.

language is still a work in progress, these things take time. he isn't one to say the alphabet when asked, but the other day while i was doing the dishes he sat at the kitchen table with his cars and sang the alphabet song (it doesn't help that his dad, raised in yugoslavia, doesn't even know the alphabet song). he also counts to thirteen when he is by himself (why thirteen i don't know). in general he won't answer a question or recite anything if he perceives the listener to be too eager. this stands to reason with him though. he is starting to say thank you, well "tank choo" on a fairly consistent basis and "dove choo" which seems to mean love you. so i am pretty sure he will be telling me some crazy toddler stories soon. i can't wait.

this afternoon while ada napped, i thought cohen and i could have our lunch in bed. we were at the library this morning and got a tape on visiting a farm. i made grilled sandwiches, washed some grapes, and brought lunch in on a bed tray. his eyes lit up when he realized that he was going to get to eat lunch in bed. i tucked myself in beside him as he pointed at the tv, and exclaimed "cow! mooooo", his excitement at the world bubbling over. pulling the covers up over my legs, i couldn't help feeling overcome with the enormity of it all. i know it is ridiculous to say, but after dredging through the trenches for so long, the sun seems sweeter somehow, warmer on my face. the best 29 months of my life, no question about it.