time's a thief you know

there are distinct moments that happen in life, the big ones, the ones that later you realize shaped it all. you know what I mean. we all have them. sometimes you are acutely aware that something is about to happen and you listen closely to hear it in the air, the words pay attention are whispered in your ear. but more often than not we don't know, it just happens and it's outcome proves it's worth.

i have always had difficulty with the notion that in that moment we are called upon to choose and that in that choice a fate is sealed. a course begun.

70 miles from the nevada border i pull off the road for a moment. my throat dry with the heat, the air thick with energy. in my mind i am not even sure how i got here and in truth don't want to go on. i have to decide. most days i would get back in the car, turn it around and head back for the ocean, but today i decide to face it head on, i frantically drive faster and hope it makes sense. i'll never know what could have happened if i turned the car around. it is no longer mine.

so what happens to all the people i could have become but didn't? do they still linger around the corners of my room speaking to me at night? reminding me that although i am this now, tomorrow i may be something altogether different.

No comments: