if i'd only thought of the right words

when was the last time you sat down and wrote something with a pen and paper? was it a list, or a short note to let someone know how to feed the cat? i wrote my brother a letter last week and writing the 4 pages made my hand numb. i hadn't written a letter for more than a year i'm sure. it made me feel sad to realize it. it feels like i blinked and the world changed.

i was walking on campus the other day and i took a peak in a chemistry class. every student, and there were a hundred or more in the lecture hall, was on a laptop typing. what does that feel like? all that clicking and the sea of facebook pages open while someone talks in vein at the front. you have the whole world right in front of you with the click of a mouse, there is no need to even look at the guy beside you.

it isn't that i have a problem with technology, well not entirely anyway, but more about how it has changed the way we communicate. now a days when you write you can revise, and then revise some more. you can create the character you want to be. it used to be that if you were young and you liked someone you would give them a hastily composed note, or debate calling them for several nights in a row. it wasn’t instant. if you finally did get up the courage to phone, or pass the note, your hand would be shaking, your words coming out would be awkward and forced. you would be embarrassed. you would know by the inflection of their voice whether they liked you or didn’t. you grew a little every time you did it, by finding the courage and living with the consequences. if you like someone now you are more likely to send them a carefully crafted text message, delightful and witty. the perfect you. if you are lucky they will text back and pretend to be their perfect them, but you get no tone or context. no emotion. no connection. no truth. you are left to interpret the story yourself. if they don't share you affection it doesn't matter. the whole experience is empty and easily forgotten. there is no tangible moment to hang on to for later, no experience, it is just a few words on a screen. 

it seems like it should be disappointing, but then again what do i know, i can barely even use my phone.

i need to start writing letters again.