I was at the Juan de Fuca Rec Centre in my hometown and it was Friday night. Teen roller-skating had a beach theme that night and despite the fact that the temperature outside had dropped; everyone was there in bathing suits, the heat turned all the way up. The crowd moving fluidly around the oval rink.
I was with some friends and the lights were low, nothing but a disco ball hanging from the ceiling and rainbow specks on the wall from the reflecting light. The three of us went and changed into our one-piece suits, mine was purple and slightly faded from the chlorine in the pool. I didn’t even like the colour purple but my mom had insisted because it was on sale. I always wished it were green, neon like the brightly coloured headbands my friends wore to school. I was young, not even officially a teen but I loved roller-skating. I didn’t even think about the fact that I was only 11 when I agreed to go. But when I stepped into the rink I knew I was in over my head.
There must have been a hundred people, maybe more and they all seemed so old. I knew they couldn’t be more than 15 but these weren’t girls, these were women, each of them in a two piece suit: brightly coloured flowers, neon plaid, scenes with palm trees and coconuts. I stood there completely still in my one-piece purple suit. “Oh come on, lighten up it will be fun” my friend Angela, always too confident for her own good, shouted in my ear and with that she was off. I followed her, afraid to be alone. I wished I were invisible. Cory Hart’s Never Surrender was blaring on the sound system and my skates moved to the beat. I closed my eyes and followed the sound of Angela’s voice.
After an hour I decided to take a break and skated off towards the concession. Angela and June followed and we sat on a cold metal bench eating long strands of licorice. An older girl whom I recognized from my brother’s grade approached me “Hey! How are you guys doing?” I knew the other girls were envious that an older girl knew me but I tried to act like I didn’t notice. “Pretty good, the music tonight is awesome huh?” “Not bad, hey so did you guys know that there is a swimsuit competition tonight? I think you should enter, it would be pretty bitchin if someone younger beat out Melissa Chance, everyone says she is going to win”. I felt excited; she thought that I had what it would take to beat out Melissa Chance, the same Melissa who smoked cigarettes in the back of the high school, and always had a date on Saturday nights. I felt my heart beat a little faster “Really? You think I would have a chance?” “For sure you would, sign yourself up; there is a sheet by the speakers, all my friends will cheer for you!” She skated off.
It was just the three of us now and Angela was the first to pipe in “Come on you have to, it is our big chance to show them we exist, can you imagine how cool it will be when you win? Everyone will be talking about you” She was already skating towards the speaker smiling at me. I followed close behind, I still wasn’t sure if I should stop her. I looked around at the sea of bikinis, took a deep breath and printed my name.
Three other girls had signed up for the contest, including Melissa and when the music stopped each of our names was called. I stayed back and watched as each of the contestants skated to the front, one girl had hot pink skates and ponytails, another long blond hair perfectly straight and smooth and then Melissa with her auburn curls and perfect tan. Angela pushed me and my skates began to move, the crowd parting as I rolled to the front of the room.
We were instructed that each girls name would be called out and the crowd was to cheer for their favourite. I panicked, what have I done? I looked at Angela and saw her enormous grin, she mouthed “you’ll do great” as she swayed back and forth in anticipation. Whoever received the loudest cheer would get the prize.
The first girl's name, the blonde, came over the sound system. She stood tall and proud, and the crowd loudly cheered her on. There were boys in the front row that whistled and shouted her name. She laughed in a flirty way and waved at the crowd. She spun only once on her skates and then settled back in the line. From the corner of my eye I saw people laughing, I was convinced it was at me. Fingers were pointing. My face was flushed and hot. I waited. Melissa was next, she pulled out of the line, her suit was the perfect shade of lime, and it made her skin look like honey, her smile radiated in the faces of the crowd. I panicked, I knew I was next and I couldn't bear it. I was certain that no one would make a sound. I had no business being in a bathing suit contest, I still took swim lessons at the pool. What had I been thinking?
The crowd was roaring now and it was clear, Melissa was who they wanted. I looked into the crowd, scanning the faces for Angela but she was nowhere to be found. My heart was pounding, my jaw firmly clenched. From the corner of my eye I saw the older girl, the one who had encouraged me earlier. She winked. The joke was on me. I was humiliated. No one was going to cheer for me. I couldn’t do it. I gave up. I skated as fast and as hard as I could out of the rink. I heard people yelling "don't go" but it didn't matter, the course was set, I ran it through.
Moments later I found myself sitting in the locker room with my head in my hands and wishing I was somewhere quiet, alone, relaxed. It was my first taste of true failure. It was awful. I heard the music start again, louder than before and I knew the contest was over. The girl with the hot pink skates and ponytails came in shortly after and asked why I left. Through sobs I told her I couldn't do it. I was humiliated. She sat next to me and said "don't you see? You would have won, it took such courage to get up there, everyone saw it."
I called my mom to come get me and sat out on the curb shivering while I waited. “Where are you going?” Angela asked when she found me. “I think I need to go home” I muttered. “So did you hear, that girl with the pink skates won. You should have seen the look on Melissa’s face, still it would have been great if you had won, I really think you would have, everyone said so”. I turned from her then, stared at the neon sign across the street and began to cry.
All this for a chance to win a hair dryer.
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