freedom and fortune, together at last

cohen has gone to hang out with his grandma until monday morning, and now, sitting here in my perfectly quiet house, i am filled with the sort of euphoria that one experiences in their younger years as they are getting ready to go to a party. a party that their parents don't know about. the night filled with possibility. it is crazy really. only one child! for the whole weekend! i have already started making lists of all the things i can do now that i only have one small and relatively docile human in my charge. crafts! baking! sleeping! photography! sleeping! reading! sleeping! of that list i suspect i will dive headfirst into all three sleeping, and likely get absolutely nothing else done, because that is how it works, you wait forever to have time to yourself and then when it comes you feel so happy to have it that you decide to absolutely nothing, because really, when else can you do that? then on monday when he comes back and the house is filled with chaos again i will wish i had squandered my time differently. maybe writing this out here and now will make me reconsider the doing nothing. maybe i am completely underestimating the smaller humans insatiable need for attention and love, oh, and her complete disregard for naps. any way we slice it though i will have less noise around here for a couple of days and for three mornings in a row i won't have to get up early and concoct some sort of nutritious breakfast. victory!

it goes without saying though that by tomorrow afternoon i will be desperately missing him and by monday morning i will be so excited to see him again that my joy might actually freak him out, but that is parenting for you.

in other news, marko and i have decided that the chinese are going to take over the world. i could site several examples of why this is so, none of which have anything to do with the olympics, but i have one specific one in mind. friday is our recycling day, well this week anyway, i can't be sure about next as it seems to fluctuate often, making it impossible to keep up unless one looks at the online schedule daily to figure it all out. we don't have a car and we drink our fair share of bottled and canned beverages, so we have a lot of returnables each week. the thought of saving them all up in the basement and then dragging them all on foot to the return it place makes my head spin, so we take them to the alley and allow whoever wants them to help themselves. we are in the minority by far for our neighbourhood. most of the people around here are new immigrants from china, the philippines, and india, with the former making up the bulk of my particular corner of the hood. most of the shops around here cater to these cultures and as such it is quite a rich tapestry of commerce, significantly different from the neighbourhood we came from. back there, at the corner of drunk and homeless, it would be a junkie that would be taking the bottles from the bin, dreaming of his next fix and smelling like a years worth of sweat. around here it is something all together different. it is the lady across the alley, who by all accounts owns that house, and the seemingly poor couple with their baby that live at the end of the block. there is also the man on the bike who roams around looking for bottles and cans, he isn't homeless or drunk, just willing and industrious. in every instance these people are chinese, and i am certain they think i am crazy for putting out my bottles for anyone to take. last night when i put mine out they were all there anxiously waiting to take them away. i was surprised at first to see them. i had seen each of them help themselves on other occasions, but to all be there at once, it was shocking, like a neighbourhood event, "oh it is seven o'clock the night before the recycling gets picked up, i bet that wasteful couple with the noisy child are putting their cans out any minute now, i better get over there". they each nodded at me and smiled and then, seconds after i put the bin down, proceeded to divvy up the bottles amongst themselves. the lady from across the alley had a plastic bag with her, the man a bin on his bike, and the couple put them in the bottom of their stroller. each of them had a huge grin. i don't blame them. last week i forgot to take the recycling out and so i had twice the amount this week, a large haul to be sure. for a moment i felt glad, glad to be rid of the bottles and glad to have helped them somehow, but only for a moment, and then i just felt mournful of my lazy and wasteful western ways, the truth of which is hard to hide.

i told marko about it and he said "see, this is what i mean, the chinese are going to take over the world, they just get it in a way that we in the western world don't". i am not sure, i suspect that the chinese can be just as wasteful as the rest of us everywhere else on earth. maybe it is the immigrant experience that makes them more aware. whatever it is, there is something to be learned from them, the ones who wait in the shadows for me to bring out my bucket full of nickels. i'm still pretty sure i won't be taking back my own bottles anytime soon though.

it takes a village

ada in her natural habitat

one thing i never took into consideration when i moved from a third floor apartment to a house! with a yard! was all the wildlife. just this property alone seems to be home for a cornucopia of life, not all of it fun.

let's start with the mammals. we all know about the "not strong enough to carry my cat coyotes", but what about the playful fun loving family of raccoons? it is a mom and two babies, and were they not disease carrying, garbage eating vermin, you might think them the cutest things ever. the other night i actually saw one of the cubs roll onto it's back and play with cohen's small red ball in it's claws, much like a sea otter would, tossing it from claw to claw. of course the mother was busy digging up our lawn looking for grub and the other cub was digging in the vegetable garden, but that ball! so cute! to their benefit they have made themselves useful. it turns out that raccoons eat wasps nest, and since we ended up with one of those as well, they are taking care of the problem. i say taking instead of taken, as it seems to be an ongoing process, a quarter of the nest here, a quarter of the nest there. that nest is their big bag of doritos, they don't want to eat them all on one night for fear that the following night they will have a craving. i keep yelling out the front door "eat the whole bag!", i don't think they speak english though. i wonder if they speak cohen's language?

next up is our friendly neighbourhood skunk. he has a cold right now, or a scratchy throat at the very least, as i hear him under my window coughing and sneezing, but hopefully he will be back to his fun loving, hiding under the bush waiting to surprise me self soon. sometimes when i am sitting on the fronch porch reading he will walk right up the walkway and then stop and look me dead in the eye. i like to think he is being friendly, offering me a little company, but i suspect his motives are much more sinister, i mean he is a skunk after all.

then there is the rat. i only saw him once, but now i know he is out there and it worries me. it wasn't a mouse, it was like 7 or possibly 8 mice all crammed together into one large mouse with an exceptionally long and scaly tale. it was running along my back fence, a dash and a hop and it was gone. something tells me this won't be the end of it though.and finally, rounding out the list would be the ever present squirrels that live in the trees out front. cohen and i sit at the kitchen table and watch them in the mornings as we eat, "hello squirrel, nice day huh?" i say, cohen usually just waves. every once in awhile in the afternoons a neighbourhood cat comes around and sits at the bottom of the tree looking up at them, they twitch their tails and make strange squeaky noises, presumably their version of "@#!$ off!". the cats patience astounds me, this can sometimes go on for an hour or more. it must be really hungry. maybe next time i will throw him some treats while he waits.

other than the humans, the other big occupants of the place are the bugs and the spiders, since spiders aren't bugs after all. the list here could be quite extensive, so perhaps we should just keep it to the highlight reel, a best of if you will. first up would be the ants. after we had signed the lease, exchanged keys and envisioned ourselves living here, the owner casually mentioned that he gets ants in the summer, "it is only for a few months, they don't bite or anything". we both nodded and said it was no problem! we were drunk on new house possibility, we could see no bad. the thing is that i don't even mind ants really, i just didn't expect to see so many of them, crawling up the walls, walking away with my bread crumbs, and squished between cohen's finger. they have started to peter off now, and hopefully soon they will be gone, but wow, for awhile there it was much too much. i think if they come back around next year i may have to resort to more preventative measures, like a magnifying glass and the right ray of sun.

after we moved in and started to unpack i noticed some moth balls in the closet. i didn't know what they were at first, having never used them, and paid no attention. it was only after i noticed a hole in ada's shirt, and one rather large moth flew out of the drawer right into my face, that i was able to place the wooden balls. while i don't think we have an epidemic, i do think there is some cause for concern. when i grab the broom one flies out at me, at night they gather around the glow of the light. so many different kinds, fat ones, small ones, ones so big they force you to duck as they swoop by. galena has taken much pleasure in capturing and eating them though, the dust from their wings left on desks and tables, a reminder that she is good for something after all. even though they may make it possible to never buy cat food again, i think i would rather do without. those beady eyes and twitchy movements stress me out, a butterfly they are not.

last on the list would be the spiders, oh so many spiders. so far they are just the small ones, the ones you can squish with the tip of one finger, mostly without the need of a paper towel to wipe up the mess. i say mostly because there are a few rather large and meaty ones in certain parts of the basement, they stare at me as i do the laundry or grab something from the freezer. did i mention i don't like spiders? still, if they were to continue at this pace, i think i would be ok. i can look past the one that was sucking the blood out of the moth in it's web, or the small ones that live in the corner of the bedroom. what i can not look past are these, and i am afraid we are going to get them. i once lived in a basement suite not far from here, and we got them all the time. i would always be on watch, nervous as i moved from room to room, always checking the bed before getting in and the towel before drying (after finding one there as i was drying one morning). they sit in the corners of rooms and skutter across floors, too big to squish without mustering up the bravery of a thousand knights, but much too present to let go. this fall, if things get out of hand, i just might have to put an ad on craigslist, "wanted, one brave soul to be on call for my spider killing/relocating needs. experience not necessary. compensation is $5-$10 a spider, depending on size and location. arachnid sympathizers need not apply". do you think i would have any takers?

if a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound?

thanks to those of you who reached out with words of kindness on that last post, it means a lot to me. i don't know if it was because i put the words out into the universe or simply the fact that we are all growing into each other, but this week has been so much better than the ones that came before it. provided i make it through tomorrow it will be the first week i have been through where i didn't have one unbearable, sweat rolling down back, tears rolling down cheek, moment. thank goodness!

for those of you that haven't seen the above picture yet, it is a vinyl tree that i recently purchased and had a chance to apply today. it is a bit of a newish fad, this vinyl wall art business, one which i had been quite curious about for some time. i purchased mine from etsy, well from here to be exact. there are hundreds of different styles available on there though, and that seller took more than a month to get mine to me (and it looks like he isn't doing vinyl signs anymore anyway), so i am not sure i would promote their stuff too loudly. have a look around, there is some really neat ones out there.

as for the difficulty of applying it, it wasn't too bad. as a first time user i will say that it was slightly more challenging than some others might have been due to the fine tips of the branches. you see, the vinyl is applied by flattening the surface with a sharp edge to loosen the applique from the sticky back. the tips in some cases didn't want to leave the paper and it took some serious coaxing and pressing on my part to get it off, but worth it. i did picture it as larger in my head, and i am still not certain it is what i want to have on the wall long term, but that is the beauty of vinyl wall art, it comes off as easy as it goes on (although it is a one time usage thing as it won't stick a second time). so tell me, what do you think?

some of you may remember this photo of the living room before we moved in, well here it is now.

i am still not completely happy with it, but it is a work in progress, so we'll see.

we came, we saw, we ate chocolate cake

i wanted to start this entry by telling you about the birthday parties my mom used to throw for me outside on our sun deck every year. i knew that words probably wouldn't be able to do it justice, and so i was going to start with a picture of me somewhere around ten with sun drenched skin and a pale blue halter dress sitting on rattan furniture, surrounded by friends and beautiful pots of flowers, eating hot dogs and drinking chocolate milk, but i couldn't find the picture, and so it turns out my words will have to be enough. what i wanted was for the photo to show you just how wonderful it was, how large a part of my childhood those parties played. my birthday is in august and i don't remember a year that it wasn't sunny for the party, maybe my mom remembers it different, but as a child my memories are nothing but fond. it was almost always the same group of friends that would come, as the years carried on our interests would change from my little pony to lego and then to music or boys, but one thing always stayed the same, us sitting outside eating hot dogs and laughing. this is what i always imagined it would be like when i had kids one day, sundecks filled with flowers and sun drenched skin, hotdogs and laughing. i was lucky enough to have a baby in the summer, my baby who isn't much of a baby anymore, but would i ever have the sun deck, the flowers? you may be tired of me talking about how much this place means to me by now, but it does. it is everything i wanted for us, kids playing hockey in the alley and neighbours that say hi every time they pass. i didn't know life could be like this in the city, we should have done this so much longer ago.

so this year we had a party, and it was outside and it was filled with sun drenched skin, potted flowers (although mine will never be as nice as my moms were, how could they be?) family, and friends that feel like family. we ate cake and splashed in a little pool made out in the shape of a dragon, and we laughed. it was perfect. i wished we owned this house, i wish that i knew that this was the first of many birthdays that will happen right here on this deck, but no matter where we go i hope we always have this, a plot of grass to call our own.

so happy birthday to the pooper! he is sleeping now, all partied out, no doubt dreaming of chocolate cake and water tables. i will leave you with some pictures and of course you know where you can see the rest.

the good, the bad, the ugly

or in this case, the ugly, the bad, and the good.

the ugly (the story, not ada!)

have you ever had one of those moments where you didn't do what your instincts told you to do, even though you knew better, and then had the result come to no good? of course you have, it is a required part of being human. i have had many, too many to claim i didn't know better. it is the rule that should govern over all others, listen to your inner voice, it ain't a fool. as you have likely guessed, i had another one of these moments just the other day. i was coming home from the park with the stroller, and as i approached the front door to our building, i noticed a man i had never seen before lingering out front. he looked like trouble, but not in an obvious way. it was my instinct telling me he was trouble, my brain decided not to listen. the truth is that i didn't want a conflict. the truth is that i was being lazy and taking the easy way out. the truth is that i let him in, and rode the elevator with him (even engaging him in idle chit chat). the truth is that he kicked in a door on the fourth floor only moments later and stole two guitars from it's occupant, and it was completely my fault (i found out after the fact from the building manager and gave a statement to the police). i should have known better. i feel pretty shitty about the whole thing. i think there is a lesson in here somewhere.

the bad

well, i am not sure it is bad really, how about fortunate lined with unfortunate feelings? the last couple of days i have finally been exposed to what life is going to be like with two. picture me early in the morning with squinty eyes wearing a sour milk stained pajama top, holding ada and bouncing around the kitchen trying to sooth her cries as i attempt to slice open an english muffin, and cut up a banana for cohen's breakfast. all the while he is clinging to my leg and whining (or opening the spice cupboard and taking out all the spices and stacking the jars on the floor), desperately trying to get my attention. this scene gets played over and over throughout the day. i don't think i have enough hands for this job. what i am quickly learning is that i need to restructure my thinking, at least for now. it is impossible to think that i can do dishes/take a shower/do a load of laundry/nap, when i have two who are in almost constant need of me. i need to learn to breath and get used to living in a messy house. normally i would be better at letting it go, but with the move looming over my head and the nagging voice telling me that i need to be packing at least a few boxes a day, it is proving difficult. today marko took cohen out of the house for a few hours to allow me the space to get some things done, but ada had other plans for me and refused to be put down. i didn't get anything done (other than lots of cuddling), and felt defeated when the boys came back home, but tomorrow is a new day, and we still have two weeks before we move. perspective. i am trying.

the good

marko got the job! he starts back to work on the 12th. it would be nice if it was the 19th as we would be moved in by then and things would be settled, but the 12th is ok too. gulp, that means i only have him home with me for one more week and then i have to do it alone for real. i can do this....right?

they say bad things happen in threes

today wasn't such a great day. i am not sure how many of you remember this, but it happened again. when galena got sick last time we knew it was possible that it would come back, despite modifying her diet and giving her metamucil everyday. for more than a year we were doing great, but then this week things turned again. she didn't throw up constantly this time, but she did stop eating and using the litter box. she just wasn't herself. so today we were off to the vet to find out that she was heavily constipated again which meant general anesthetic and a colon irrigation to the tune of $800. i know that sounds crazy (probably because it is) and there was much debate about whether or not we would do it this time. the thing is, i think she is going to start doing a lot better at our new house. being free to frolic outside and having more space of her own away from a tantrum throwing toddler (even though she is great with cohen) is just what she needs. so we chose to do it. i am not sure we will make the same choice if it happens again, hopefully i won't have to make that decision.

despite the stress of that, there was a bright side to the day, we went and signed the lease on our new place and got to see it again. it felt even better to me this time. i think it is going to be great for us. as promised there are pictures here. so, what do you think?

letting the pieces fit

one down, one to go. we found a new home. it feels weird to think that soon we will be living in a new neighbourhood, a neighbourhood that neither of us really know at all, in a new house. it is a cute little house where we will live on the main floor, a student lives in a suite downstairs. there is a backyard and sun deck and it is all ours. cohen is going to have his own room where i can put his art on the walls, and at last i can go back to reading in bed at night without having to worry about waking him up. there will be many summer bbq's, complete with sprinkler jumping and wading pool sitting. the suite itself is about 1000 sqft with a fairly large living room, separate dining room and two bedrooms, with plenty of storage in the basement (which is perfect for the 9 rubbermaids of kids clothes i have).

cohen is at grandma's this weekend, so i really should be packing like crazy, but motivation has been a bit of an issue. still, i have managed to get the bedroom 3/4 done and the night is still young, so with a little perseverance i should be able to get it finished. i know that we still have two weeks before we move, but thinking about trying to pack everything while watching cohen gives me a headache, it would be nice to have it mostly done ahead of time so that i don't have to think about it.

we are going to sign a lease tomorrow, i will bring my camera and maybe come back with some pictures to share, till then enjoy another one of ada, cause one just isn't enough.